Loneliness
03/25/2023
Hope you're all having a great Saturday. I just got off my shift at work and I'm pretty tired. It's not a very physically draining job, but mentally it's very taxing. I honestly can't stand having to interact with so many people on a daily basis, just constantly putting up a facade to people, pretending like I'm a well-adjusted person who knows how to socialize with others. I think my coworkers can tell that there's something not quite right with me, so they just avoid me entirely. I try to be friendly, but it feels like no matter how hard I try to relate with others I will never truly understand what it's like to be normal, that I will just always be the outsider. I've never been good at talking. I somehow always end up saying the wrong things. I just mimic what I see other people do, yet I somehow always get it wrong. The only people who I felt truly understood me have all left, gone off to do better things and meet better people. Sometimes I find myself feeling angry with them for leaving me, I know it's quite selfish but I miss them so much, I don't know if I'll ever find anyone like them again. I want to reach out and reconnect with them but I'm afraid of being bothersome, so I guess it's partly my own fault for losing touch. All I want that sense of companionship again, but my social skills have deteriorated so much I don't know if I'll ever connect with someone in that way again. It's kind of funny, whenever I'm with people I find myself wishing I was alone, however when I am alone, I crave interaction with others. I don't really know what this says about me, that I can't make up my mind? I don't know.
Welcome to My Journal
03/22/2023
Hello people of Neocities. Recently I've been thinking about how I was too young to really enjoy the golden-age, unrestricted era of the internet in the late 90's and early 2000's, and never got to experience the touchstones of early customizable internet such as Geocities, Livejournal, Myspace, etc. (the closest I got to experience this was Tumblr in my preteen years). However I recently discovered Neocities which seems like the modern recreation of something I desperately wished I was a part of back then. Modern social media is too bland and lifeless, I just want to go back to a more simple time where we were allowed more freedom and individuality with how we present ourselves online. Also it gives me the perfect excuse to finally start a hobby I've been meaning to do for a while now, which is journaling. I have a lot of thoughts and feelings I want to share with people, but unfortunately I don't really have anyone to share them with, so why not share them with complete strangers online?
As to what you'll expect to find on this blog, it'll mainly just be ramblings about my life as well as any thoughts or opinions I have on really anything. I might post media reviews, document any current happenings, infodump on whatever topic I'm obsessed with at that moment...whatever I feel like talking about. I am an amateur artist and writer as well, so I might post some of my work as well. I should note that I am a pretty forgetful person, however, so don't expect updates to be too often, but I'll try and check in whenever I can or remember to.
Also, I guess as this is my first post, I should probably introduce myself. You can call me Maxie. I am a 20 year old female from Massachusetts, USA. My birthday is February 25th, 2003. I am bisexual and single. I am not currently in school because quite frankly I still have no idea what I want to do with my life, and I live with my family. I work as a cashier at a grocery store, it pays fine I guess but I don't really like it. My hobbies include drawing, writing, playing video games, and collecting vinyl records. My favorite bands are Deftones, The Cure, Depeche Mode, Radiohead, and The Smiths. My favorite video games are Yakuza Kiwami, Persona 3, Hades, and Pokemon Emerald. I don't have any pets at the moment but I really want a cat or a rabbit. I love sweets, especially chocolate chip cookies.
Well I guess that's all I have to say for now. Thanks so much if you've read this, by the way. I really appreciate it. I hope you continue to stick around and I hope you have a wonderful day!♥